Do you want the Coach talk or the Dad talk?

December 19th, 2011 No Comments

Courtesy of Design With Vinyl

I admit it, I am a horrible father but that is OK, at least my kids are always told the truth. Not that what I said was all that horrible but by today’s parenting standards, I should probably be reported to social services.

This story begins the other weekend when my daughter and her team were playing in the first Cup Game of the year. It was the first of 4 games played through the season to determine which teams will play in the league championships in April.

To date the girls had been batting 500 alternating between playing brilliantly or abysmally depending on the weekend but it is understandable. It is a new team, none of the girls knew or have played with each other before September so they needed some time to get get things together. The main thing is that they are having fun and and I have been really enjoying watching them play.

For this cup game, the coach wanted the brilliant team to show up so he stressed lots of rest, a good breakfast pre game and wanted  all hands on the pitch 45 minutes early for warm up so he could get them wound up for the game.

It was a chilly morning and things were slow to warm up but all our girls were there bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to go. As our opponents began to show up, I began to worry. Our team is filled with light and welter weights so we tend to get trampled by the bigger teams and these girls were  BIG. They could also put the ball on net from well beyond the 18 yard box which us unusual for U13′s

At opening kick off we were all over them. We may be small but we were fast and had them running with our speed and crisp accurate passing. In the first 10 minutes our opponents didn’t even get over half. We sent several shots wide, one off the post and one shot actually broke the plane of the goal line but not all the way across the line. It was almost a perfect opening 10 but then it happened. Our defence was pressing too far up and they cleared one deep and sent one of their speedy strikers in to hammer one home.

After that our girls began to bumble about the field like they were heavily medicated. Running completely stopped and unless the ball came directly to them they wouldn’t make any effort to play it. It was like someone flipped a switch. We spent the rest of the game playing just bad enough to lose. We put one more ball off the post with seconds left but ended up losing 1 – nil.

By games end, I was admittedly beside myself but I kept my mouth shut at the time. Partly because I don’t like psycho soccer parents and didn’t wish to be one myself but more importantly, my wife would have killed me if I said anything within earshot of the other parents. After the game, the majority of parents immediately ran over to the girls and began serving up false platitudes about their play, trying to mitigate their child’s disappointment and prop up their fragile self esteem.

I however stood back and waited for my child to finish the post game rituals and then we walked back to the car. Once we got in the car I and started to drive away I asked the question. “Do you want the Coach talk or the Dad talk?” It was actually a trick question because she would have gotten the coach talk regardless.

Wisely she chose the coach talk and I opened with, “That had to be the most appalling display of effort I have seen in more than 20 years” then I went on to “There is a reason why I stopped coaching kids sports and that was a perfect example why” With barely a breath between sentences I jumped to “The only reason you lost that game was because you guys were too lazy to put in the effort it would take to win and that is unacceptable by any measure” I finished up with “If you had played the entire game like you did in the first 10 minutes and still lost, then I would be proud of your effort and give you credit for trying but unfortunately that wasn’t the case.”  With that I was done, all without raising my voice but the point was driven home.

Now I am sure many will read this and recoil in horror but it was the truth and for me to tell my twelveteen daughter that they played wonderfully would be a lie and serve no purpose other than teach my child that putting in a half ass’ed effort is good enough. I am a firm believer that sporting skills are life skills and if you can’t make the effort on the field, chances are you won’t make much of an effort in life either. This was not just a soccer game, it was a life lesson.

True to form, the following week the girls walked on the field and handedly beat  a better team then the one they lost to in the Cup game. All the while the parents were going on about how hard they played in that cup game and it was just so sad that they lost… yada – yada – yada. When the participants to me for my contribution, I couldn’t help but say “I am not sure what game you were watching but other than the first 10 minutes, I thought they played brutal”. What was funny was that a couple of the fathers who were quietly avoiding the conversation, jumped in once I opened that can of worms and said “Yah! you know you are right!” At that point the conversation quickly changed focus back to the game the girls were currently playing but it brings up a couple burning questions.

At what point did telling your child the truth about their performance become verboten and what good comes from telling your child they did GREAT! when they didn’t? It seems ridiculous to me that we live in a world where adults think children are incapable of coping with the truth about who they are and what they are doing. Of course ripping a strip off of them for their performance is inappropriate but so is outright lying to them.

I say enough with the mollycoddling already. Kids can handle the truth but then again, perhaps its the parents who can’t?

 

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Commitment & The Kid – Part 3

November 27th, 2011 No Comments

Well it is happening, my eldest daughter is turning into a teenager. She is on the back end of twelveteen and already she is thoroughly entrenched in the wing-nut behaviour that marks the early adolescent years. Although I have been working with teens for going on twenty years, I am not sure there is anything that can prepare you for when you own child goes off the deep end.

Actually, I am being a bit unkind. She is still a great kid but holy smokes there are days when the word “wacko” is the only word that can describe her. There are other days however, when she amazes me with her ability to go above and beyond the call of duty, without any sign of that crazy pre teen smouldering within.

The other weekend was one of those times when she stacked together just over 72 hrs of astonishing focus, determination and commitment to what she had to do. Based on what I had been witnessing, I couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to do everything she did, without so much as a peep of discontent, distraction or adolescent driven mania.

I personally thought it was quite incredible and worthy of note and therefore the subject of this blog post was born.

Before I go any further let me outline what her wild weekend looked like so you can appreciate what she accomplished.

Thursday

    • Regular School Day
    • 2 hrs of homework after school
    • Early to bed in preparation of a soccer tournament on Friday.

Friday

    • Up earlier then she is for a regular school day
    • On the soccer pitch for 7:45 for warm up
    • Played 4 soccer games between 8:30 am to 4:00pm
    • Home for 5 pm, ate dinner, cleaned up and completed math homework

Saturday

    • Up at 8:30
    • Refereeing soccer at 9:30 am
    • Home cleaned up and off to a friends house to work on project
    • 5 hrs of project work for school
    • Picked her up from friends house and off to fundraiser
    • Attended a fundraising event in the evening from 6 – 9pm

Sunday

    • Up at 7:45 am, on the soccer pitch for for 8:45 for warm up.
    • Regular Soccer Game start at 9:30am and she played entire game.
    • Got called up to play for a gold select team that was in injury trouble
    • Second Soccer started at 2:30 pm again on the field from beginning to end
    • Home to get cleaned up and have a bite to eat.
    • Off to do 5 more hours of project work home by 10pm

Monday

    • Into school early to finish up some loose ends for project.

After watching this all unfold, I started to realize a couple things abut my emerging teen.

  • Yes she can be wingy at times BUT she has some amazing focus and sticktoitiveness within.
  • Her ability to amaze us with her achievement, could not be accomplished without having a parents that facilitate it.

In two previous posts, I spoke of “teaching kids” about commitment but it became crystal clear to me on that crazy weekend that parents don’t teach kids about commitment so much as they create a world that enables their children to be committed to what they have to do. Commitment isn’t just a simple act of intent, it is a lifestyle.

What this looks like is different for every family but here are 6 simple lifestyle choices our family live by, which makes it possible for our children to pull off the amazing things they do.

  • Standard set of expectations for school, family and friends.
  • Create a daily routine which everyone in the family can live within.
  • Outright refuse to allow activities such as hanging out at the mall
  • Restrict access to time sucking activities such as gaming or television.
  • Encourage participation in organized sport but no more than one per season.
  • Once committed to an activity, there is no quitting before the scheduled end of the season.

This is by no means a perfect six point plan to raising the perfect child. I am sure my wife and I are currently screwing something up so badly that both daughters will require years of intensive therapy to recover but hey, no one is perfect. What I do know, is that each and every exceptional child I have ever encountered in my 18 years of teaching, had a lifestyle which enabled them to be successful. More often than not there are parents in the background orchestrating it all but I have even come across some phenomenal kids who had to do it all themselves.

As for my own children, who knows what’s to come. I fully expect that there will be some rough patches between now and when I throw them out on their ear to fend for themselves. What I do know is that commitment isn’t something I can teach them,it is a lifestyle I can provide for them.

Raise your child with a lifestyle that promotes personal commitment, chances are you will get yourself a pretty cool adult by the time the smoke clears.

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Remembrance Day – Families Changed

November 12th, 2011 No Comments

David Rispin

Every year for the Rispin family Remembrance Day is significant. We are a one of many Canadian families which got the boots laid to them in the First an Second World wars. I have always appreciated the significance of my family’s contribution to Canada’s role in these wars but never so much as I do now, since my father passing in January 16, 2010.

He was a quiet man, never did he speak of the war of which he was a part, other than the most outlandish and far fetched stories one had ever heard but must be true. He bottled whatever he saw or felt about that war deep inside and never shared what he had really seen or endured during his 4 years sailing on the HCSM Hallowell in the North Atlantic. I am not even sure my mother knows everything he went through or what he saw as he was a tight lipped man. He was a silent in his remembrance and as a result my siblings and I are left to piece together what little he told us with what little we found in his personal belongings after he passed.

Although I have always done a little personal remembrance day shpiel since I have been a teacher, these past two remembrance days I have taken upon myself to share with my classes a very personal narrative. I go through what sacrifices that not only individuals from my family made but what these sacrifices meant to my family. I try to make the kids understand that Remembrance Day isn’t just about some long forgotten soldier but about how many long standing Canadian families will never be the same because of these wars. I try to make them realize that my family along with innumerable others, were irreversibly changed because of these wars.

I tell them about my Grandfather who died when my father was only 3 because of blood poisoning from a gunshot wound to his arm during the first world war. I tell them how my uncle was killed during a bombing raid over Düsseldorf Germany and that no one from our family has yet to visit his burial site. I tell them about George W. Silk and George W. Silk who were killed by the same shell in the same trench during the battle of the Somme in 1916. I even read to my class the 95 year old hand written letter by which my great great grandmother was informed of the death of both her husband and eldest son.

I tell them that a great masonry family who had a hand in building many of the turn of the century buildings in Vancouver and Edmonton, was decimated because of these two wars and that the skyline of both these cities may have been very different had these two wars never happened. I hesitate at times to tell these stories because I don’t want to bend history or overstate what some might consider insignificant but these stories are significant. It is the narrative of what brought us to this very day and a story all Canadians need to hear and appreciate.

It is incumbent upon those of us who are are descendants of those who navigated these wars and managed to maintain a bloodline, to share the significance of these wars.

My family is but one of many who gave selflessly to the dominion of Canada and we need to recognize that Remembrance Day isn’t simply about some long forgotten soldier. It is about long standing Canadian families that would be significantly different had it not been for these wars.

On this remembrance day, let us not just remember the ones who sacrificed their lives in wars both distant and recent but those who stand among us and sacrificed family members so we can be the Canadians we are today.

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What Is Traditional Parenting

September 22nd, 2011 1 Comment

As my readership increases, I have been questioned on a number of occasions about what my definition of Old School Parenting was and it struck me that there is a number of misconceptions out there about what it means to be an Old School Parent.

When people see the title Old School Parenting they seem to immediately envision a cantankerous old bastard that yells and screams at the wife and kids every other day and lays a whooping on them once a month whether they need it or not. In these conversations the terms loveless, cold, uncaring, ruthless, demeaning along with a host of other negative adjectives seem to make their way into the discussion but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Old School Parenting or Traditional Parenting has always been about raising a child to become a functional adult who can contribute positively to their family and ultimately, society. It is a philosophy that feels that all a child really needs is healthy food, clean water, reliable shelter, quality education, access to medical attention and of course love from their family.

Modern Parenting on the other hand, focuses on nurturing a child so they feel confident in their individuality and their special place in this world. It is a philosophy that stops at nothing to provide everything the child should need or want so they can achieve this elevated sense of self.

Where the negative image of Old School Parenting comes in, is that it is difficult to parent in this manner. Traditional Parents say NO! a lot and cause their children to cry. Sometimes Traditional Parents get annoyed and yes even angry with their children. Traditional Parents don’t tolerate toddler tantrums, give into teenage demands or care what others kids are doing. Traditional Parents are not afraid of hurting their child’s feelings and they believe that good self esteem comes from learning to respect others

In contrast, Modern Parenting is relatively conflict free because everything is an immediate yes or at worst, a weakly negotiated maybe which ultimately becomes yes. Modern Parents don’t like conflict because they feel it might bruise their child’s fragile self esteem and hamper their progeny’s assention to status of demigod. Admittedly, it is a wonderful way to parent but it isn’t very realistic nor does it prepare your child for the real world.

Where the two philosophies collide, is in the notion of ones place in this world. Old School Parenting sees a child as precious part of a whole, irreplaceable but never better or more deserving than anyone else within the family and ultimately society. On the other hand, Modern Parenting sees the child as a unique individual, deserving of special attention, recognition and ultimately a special place in this world regardless of cost to others.

Old School Parenting is about family, it is about community and it is about personal responsibility to both. Old School Parenting believes that it does not do a child any good to place them upon a pedestal which is not of their own creation and that self esteem is earned not delivered on a silver platter.

More Thoughts On Traditional Parenting

Our Greatest Contribution

 

 

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Staggering Stupidity

September 4th, 2011 15 Comments
Vancouver Sun

Vancouver Sun Sept 1st, 2011

It is staggering how stupid some people can be but apparently it is not an isolated human condition. It seems to run in families, a trait handed down from parent to child.

Two cases in point, occurred near my home this past week, one involving 13 young drivers (all 20 years or younger) and the other involving two teens 17 years of age. In both cases these fine upstanding young people were caught speeding on city streets, reaching speeds in excess of 200 Kilometers or 125 miles per hour.

Their reckless disregard for the safety of others was simply appalling by any measure, yet these young drivers seemed to feel their fast and furious behavior was no big deal. One of the young people involved in the first incident, was even quoted saying “We were just going for something to eat” as if they were driving Miss Daisy to Sunday brunch

It is simply mind boggling how disconnected these kids seem to be from the gravity of their inexcusable behavior. Sure if they were doing this on a closed circuit race track and happened to kill themselves, I could accept their cavalier attitudes but they weren’t. They were on public roads where people should have the right to drive without risk of getting run down by over testosteroned morons.

Without question, what these kids did was amazingly stupid but what about the other part of the equation? What about the parents of said stupid kids?

I would assume that a young person of 20 or less hasn’t the legal means to buy any of the vehicles involved in either of these incidents. The collective value of all 15 vehicles involved was in excess of 2.5 million dollars. In the mix were three Lamborghini’s a Ferrari, two Maserati’s an Aston Martin, Audi A8, Porsche, BMW, Mercedes and a list of other luxury cars that is almost as impressive. In addition to the massive price tags these cars carry, to insure some of these cars for young drivers (in my neck of the woods) is estimated to be as much as twenty thousand dollars for the year.

It begs the question, why in gods name would a parent give their child access to one of these cars? It is beyond words. I don’t care how wealthy somebody is, a kid does not need or deserve one of these vehicles. What could these parents have been thinking or has materialism in today’s world really gone this far?

What ever happened to your first car being a piece of crap you and your dad found in someones back yard buried under a mess of brambles and scrap wood? Back in the day when I asked for a car, all I got was a kick in the ass with a frozen boot and told never to ask again. I cannot imagine taking my 16 year old to the local Lamborghini dealer and saying “Pick one!”

The final obscenity is that these kids will hardly get a slap on the wrist. A fine, some driving prohibition and they will be back on the road before you know it. It is unlikely they will have learned any moral or practical lessons of any kind. They will not be repentant and will continue to risk the lives of others with their reckless behavior. The parents, well… Lord only knows what bonehead parenting maneuver they will make next but chances are it will be an epic fail.

In Parenting Oldschool’s opinion, what should be done is that all cars should be impounded and taken to the wreckers where the young drivers in question and their parents are forced to watch as their luxury automobiles are reduced to scrap. Alternate to that, all cars should be impounded and sold at auction. All proceeds would be given to the food bank or a variety of homeless shelters in the Vancouver area and then perhaps some good can come of these two incidents and some lessons learned.

Related Post: What a Riot – Youth off the rails

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Hold the Phone: Should You Buy Your Kid a Cell?

September 4th, 2011 2 Comments

This is a guest post by Derek Dasher about cell phones for kids. Although not quite in Old School Parenting style, this post on cell phones for kids still holds true to Parenting Old School’s overall theme. Please enjoy

There are several unchangeable truths in the world: the sun will rise tomorrow morning, the sky will always be blue, gas will always be too expensive, and your kids will always bug you about getting them a cell phone at the beginning of a new school year.  School is now in session and if it hasn’t happened already, the day is quickly approaching that your child is going to ask you to get them a cell phone.  Kids hate being left out of the group and, in their minds, this is bound to happen if they don’t have a cell phone like all their friends and classmates.  As technology becomes more widely available, letting your child have a cell phone might not actually be the worst thing in the world.  Let’s take a look at the argument from both sides.

Why you should buy your kid a cell phone

The most obvious reason why you should buy your kid a cell phone is because it allows you to have instant and easy communication with them.  No longer will you have to sit at home on a Friday night wondering where they wandered off to.  A simple call or text to their cell phone is all you’ll need to keep track of them (assuming that they answer).  Having a cell phone will also allow your child to contact you in case of an emergency situation.

Most parents are legitimately concerned about the type of content their child will have access to with their very own cell phone.  This is especially a concern with smartphones that offer easy access to the internet and a variety of applications (many of which cost money to download).  Parents can rest assured, however, because the major cell phone service providers in the United States provide parents with ways to limit what their children have access to on their phones.  Parents can put filters on certain types of content and applications so that inappropriate content is not available.  Usage controls, meanwhile, allow parents to regulate the amount of calls and text messages that can be used.  Location monitoring controls are also available to allow parents to know their child’s location which can be very useful in emergency situations.  It is important for parents to discuss which specific options are available with their cell phone service provider so that they can find a plan that will work best for them.

Why you shouldn’t buy your kid a cell phone

Does your child really need a cell phone?  Considering that billions of people have made it through their childhood without a cell phone, the answer is ‘probably not.’  One of the biggest concerns for parents when their kid asks for a cell phone is the price.  While a phone itself may not be too expensive (usually ranging from $0 to $200+), the monthly charge can be quite high, especially if you add on access to data and text messaging (which your son or daughter will almost definitely want).  It may be useful to discuss the price issue with your child beforehand so that they realize what a huge expense a cell phone is.  If they still insist on having one, consider having them help pay for it with money from a part-time job or by doing chores and helping around the house.

A parent’s communication with their child is absolutely critical, especially as the child reaches school age and is away from their parents for long periods everyday.  A parent’s ability to communicate with their child is already hindered by TV, videogames, the internet, and other sources. Adding a cell phone on top of all that may further serve to cause a shortage of useful and necessary communication between you and your children.  It is also worth noting that having access to their own cell phone, may lead a child to having unsavory communication with their friends or complete strangers (sharing inappropriate texts, photos, videos, etc.)

Parents have the final say

At the end of the day, you are the one that ultimately decides whether or not to buy your child a cell phone.  Before making your decision, it may be helpful to consider your child’s maturity/responsibility level, why they need the phone, and how much it will cost you.  As cell phone technology continues to improve and become more useful, the age that kids start wanting a cell phone is bound to become lower and lower.  Your kids’ friends will start getting their own phones which will put you in a situation where you have to make a decision regarding your own kids.  There are no clear cut answers as to when or if you should buy your kid their own phone. Rather, the decision should be carefully considered on a child-by-child basis.
This article was written by Derek Dasher who is a frequent contributor at Your Local Security, provider of ADT monitored security systems for families.

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Parenting – Our greatest contribution

August 24th, 2011 2 Comments

I was driving home today after dropping off my youngest daughter at soccer camp. I was using my wife’s car so I had turned the station over to JR Country. She hates it when i do that, she is a Top 40 kinda gal so it is an ongoing radio war.

Anyhow, Alan Jackson’s “Small Town Southern Man” was playing when I fired up the old Subaru and drove out of the parking lot. As I pulled into traffic, my favourite line in the whole song rang out and I immediately thought to myself… “Self, what a great blog topic!” So when I got home I started penning this post.

Now before I go any further, I suppose I should explain to those who are country phobic and never listen to gods music, “Small Town Southern Man” is about an old guy who lives his whole life working hard for his family and doing the best he can to be a good person. When his time comes and his days are numbered he is at peace with it because he knows “his greatest contribution. Is the ones you leave behind” the sentiment in this single line is golden.

Just think what the ramifications would be if we all parented with that verse as our mantra? I think we would be living in a much better world. Instead we live in a “what’s in it for me world” that pays lip service to this line but if truth be told, it gets harder and harder to find people who truly live up to its sentiment.

Our media, our financial institutions, our political leaders and yes even some parents, are teaching kids by example, to take first and give back later BUT only if it suits them. To do no good deed, unless someone has done one for you first and of course he or she who dies with the most things wins!

In North America, kids are taught that immortality is found in fame, money and possessions. Making a contribution to this world has become all about taking as much as you can, then turning around and yelling “LOOK AT ME!”

But as Alan Jackson’s song so correctly spells out, a good life is pretty simple… Treat others with kindness and generosity and your greatest contribution WILL be the ones you leave behind.

If you parent with this in mind, you can’t possibly go wrong.

 

More Old School Parenting Wisdom: The Narcissists Among Us

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Bang! Bang! My Kids Are Gun Safe

August 23rd, 2011 2 Comments

Gun SafetyI had an outstanding time this past week camping with friends. There is nothing quite like being content sitting on a dock, staring out onto the water for hours or gathering about a campfire and staring hypnotically into the flames. What was even better was that the kids were happy with it too. It took about 4 – 5 hours for the “I’m bored” stare to drift from their eyes and get into camping mode but after that… They were off the grid and into the elements.

The other cool thing we got to do, was learn all about gun safety. I know ((~~GASP~~)) but it was a good experience for both parents and kids.

I couldn’t be more pleased, that my children’s first exposure to guns was safe, simple and done in the presence of responsible adults. I feel that hands on experience is a far better way of teaching them about guns then turning them loose on a first person shooter video game or letting them watch some Hollywood gangsta, cappin someone’s ass doin a drive by in a pimped out Escalade. It was simply an excellent opportunity for the kids to learn how guns worked, how to use guns safely and how to be safe in the presence of guns.

Now I didn’t do this myself, fortunately I have a friend York Furstenwald who is a certified firearms instructor and gun safety expert who could make this all happen. I don’t own a gun nor had I fired one in more than 20 years, so I was happy Mr. Furstenwald was willing to do this.

York spent a good deal of time going over 4 vital elements of gun safety or “ACTS“ before the kids even touched the firearms.

4 ACTS of Gun Safety

Assume every firearm is loaded.

Control the barrel direction at all times.

Trigger finger must be kept off the trigger and out of the trigger guard until ready to fire.

See that the firearm secure, unloaded and safe.

Even after our gun safety briefing out of the deck, we walked out to the range and went over the ACTS again as it related to the environment they were in at that very moment. He went over range safety and commands and ensured the kids had a complete understanding of what was expected of them. What I was most amazed about was that the kids were completely absorbed for more than an hour in the blazing sun. By the time York was done talking about gun safety, the kids were at greater risk of getting melanoma then getting hit by a bullet (thank goodness for 60 sunblock). I was more of a problem student then the kids. I just wanted to SHOOT but it was safety first and I had to learn it all, just like the kids.

What liked most about the whole event is that my kids went away from it, with a solid understanding of how guns work, what they can do and how to be safe around them. Even if my kids never pick up another gun for as long as they live, they are now able to identify safe gun use, especially in a situation where they are in the presence of a firearm but are not in control of it.

Finally, one last word for the skeptics in the room. My purpose was not to create my very own mini militia in preparation of some kind of inevitable Armageddon nor do I have any desire to turn my children into mighty hunters. I just wanted the kids to learn about guns and how to use them safely. I don’t even intend to make this sort of thing a regular family activity BUT if they happen to show an interest in competitive shooting or perhaps biathlon, I would be more than happy to facilitate that but for now, I am just happy that we has such a good time with friends out in the bush.

For some video clips of our shooting sessions. Head to Family Gun Safety

Great article on shooting as a civilized activity

Check Out: Charity & Parental Modeling

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The Demise of Guys – Why Girls Rock While Boys Mold

August 8th, 2011 5 Comments

As a father of two girls, I have to be honest. I like the idea of a world where women have the upper hand. A world where men haven’t a chance in competing with them and their opportunities are unfettered by male meddling. This is not to say that I feel that they can’t or wont be able to hold their own as it is, both are frighteningly bright and could go toe to toe with any of their male peers, I just think this is the age of the woman. Sure this this may sound a little sexist but hey, what has been good for the guys for the last handful of centuries has to be good for the gals, don’t you think!?

It wasn’t that long ago that this would have been considered complete fantasy, crazy talk and virtually impossible to achieve without a major social revolution but it turns out that this shift in gender dominance might be quietly happening right under our noses in the dark recesses of our homes.

Last March, Philip Zimbardo did a Ted Talk about The Demise of Guys where he speaks (briefly) about how addiction to digital media is turning young males into social, emotional and academic eunuchs (my worlds not his). During his talk, he provides us with some starteling statistics which have been concerning educators for a number of years now but what is most important is that he links these statistics to the consumption of digital media, ranging from gaming to internet porn. Some might say that this is a bit of a stretch linking the two but if one simply looks around, you can see real life examples all around.

Demise of Guys

Philip Zimbardo, March 2011

As a teacher, I am fortunate enough to spend my summer months schlepping around with my kids. We cover a lot of ground and see all sorts of kids in a variety of social, sporting and regular every day situations and what we see is very very sad. Even before this Ted Talk came across my desktop, I had a blog post in the works because of what I was witnessing day after day. Boys by the dozens, focused on on their digital distraction devices while waiting for swimming lessons, at the playground, with day camp groups, on road trips and in restaurants… Virtually everywhere we go, my girls and I are seeing boys focused in on some type of digital device.

In my own little community, where my kids run around and have fun all summer, there is a startling absence of boys playing out side. Even though we have a pretty even gender split in our neighborhood, on any given summer day, I would say girls out number boys 5 to 2. Girls are out interacting with others, solving social issues, getting exercise, developing physical skills and boys are held up in their basements interacting with their digital game console. It is a strange and sad state of affairs.

It is staggering how disconnected with the real world our young male population seems to be becoming and it is appearing that it is all because of a dependence on the digital media. What is perhaps even more staggering is how parents seem to be oblivious to how unhealthy digital dependence can be. If Zimbardo is correct, women will be ruling this world in very short order, all the while, the Demise of Guys continues right under our noses. Sure it is great opportunity for my girls but I am not sure having half of the worlds population incapacitated due to digital stupification is a great thing in the long run.

Although the Demise of Guys to the extent where the entire male population is reduced to blubbering bunch of worthless flesh is unlikely, I do think that there is a thread of truth to what Zimbardo has said. It is undeniable that something is happening to our boys and it could very well be the excessive exposure to digital media.

  • We know that the young brain hard wires itself to that which it is exposed to the most.
  • We know that watching a TV or playing Video Games shifts Brain State from Beta (active) to Alpha (passive) almost instantaneously.
  • We know that digital media has serious psychological effects as the findings from the Day A Day Without Media study points out.
  • We know that childhood obesity can be linked to sedentary life styles associated with excessive video game playing

What I don’t understand is the resistance of parents, media regulators and other stakeholders to even consider the possibility of this digital link in the “demise of guys”. We have nothing to lose in studying this further or heaven forbid just restricting children’s use of digital media but instead we choose to ignore the obvious.  At the very least,parents need to start asking themselves, why they are allowing their children so much exposure to something that might be contributing to the Demise of Guys and turning their children into social and academic equivalent of fungi?

Related Posts

TV & Video Games = Serious Learning Issues Part 1

TV & Video Games = Serious Learning Issues Part 2

Why Boredom is Good For Your Child

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Geocaching – High Tech & Hide & Seek

July 16th, 2011 1 Comment

First Find

Figured I would try something different this post and that is, provide a positive uplifting experience for my readers. Ok, every word won’t be a ray of sunshine but the main thesis will be all warm and cuddly.

Every summer, at schools end, I try to grab something fun for the kids to do outside during the dog days of summer. Not because I am a soft over indulging parent who can`t say “NO” to my kids but because my kids are usually well behaved conscientious students who try hard at school and I like to show my appreciation for doing as is expected of them.

geocaching.comThis year I grabbed an Apisphere Geomate Jr. Handheld Geocaching GPS, a nifty little device which they can do some high tech treasure hunting with. It is essentially orienteering except with a GPS. I know, it is cheating but I will teach them the finer points of using a compass later… When I have one.

What is Geocaching

The object is to find caches that have been hidden somewhere out in the big bad scary world, uncontrolled by a hovering parent or controlling teacher.  They can be virtually anywhere, out in the bush or right in the downtown core of the largest cities.

These caches are hidden by other geocachers, who have have gone beyond just finding them and now are planting and maintaining caches for others to find. The caches usually follow some type of theme and contain various treasures that you trade for. They also have a log book so you can note that you have been there AND if you are really lucky, you might find a travel bug or geo coin.

Travel BugA Travel Bug or Geo coin are trackable items, which people will place in a cache for others to find and then in turn place in another cache somewhere else in this world. When you find one, you log onto Geocaching.com, type in the unique ID number on the trackable item and you will see all the places in the world the item has been. The travel bug shown here originated in Darwin Australia and showed up in a cache a 5 minute walk from our home. Now we will place it in another cache when we go to Vancouver Island later this summer.

Geocaching is fun activity the whole family can enjoy and the hunts can range from easy to find to death defying.  It is a true marriage between high tech and good old fashioned outdoor activity. Most importantly, it gets the kids outdoors mucking about instead of rotting their brain playing C.O.D. in a dark dingy basement for two solid months. Come into the sun, and give it a go.

To learn more about Geocaching, go to Geocaching.com

 

 

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