In our household it is all soccer all the time, not from my end but from my eldest daughters. She LOVES the game and will play year round if given the opportunity. Her career goal is to be a professional soccer player or perhaps an Olympian so moving up in the ranks is very important to her. Where she acquired this drive to excel in soccer certainly did not come from me.
This year is especially important to this progress because our local soccer guru’s start to stream off the select group of kids to play in an elite league for the rest of their youth. Many parents take this even more seriously than the kids because success in this league can lead to a free post secondary education in the form of a NCAA scholarship. The amount of time some of these kids spend preparing for the selection process is astounding. With games, practices, tournaments and clinics, some of these kids spend more time on the soccer pitch then they do in school. Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, depending on how you look at it, my wife and I didn’t think it was necessary to give our eleven year old daughter as much pitch time as some of her peers. At this point in her life, we figured that if she was going to make it to selects, she should be able to do it without “training” for it.
At seasons end however, my daughter did not get an invitation to the final two selection camps as she did not fair too well during the scouting process. My wife and I were really quite worried what her reaction would be but the cool thing was that she didn’t seem to care!? There were no tears, or pouts, she took it like a champ. Instead, in its place, was a steely resolve to go to the final selection camp as a walkon and make the cut and that is what she did.
She played with heart and determination and managed to impress the coaches just enough to make the grade. She showed that she loves the game and plays with heart if not refined skill like the chosen ones. She showed that she was there because she wanted it not because she had trained for it.
As our younger child approaches the selection year, the question now is, do we send her to all the preperatory camps and clinics to avoid the same situation or do we change things up? The answer is, that my wife and I will not seek out opportunities for her to play over and above the regular season. If she wants to play badly enough, she will follow in the steps of her sister and show that playing a sport is more than how much time you spend preparing. Heart and determination is the first order of athleticism and at 11 years old this is what is most important.
Most importantly though, is that this experience gave us the opportunity to teach some life lessons to our oldest daughter.
- Nothing in life gets handed to you.
- Dissapointment can be a positive motivator.
- Determination and heart are more important than just skill.
The next 7 years however will be a different story. If she wants to stay in selects she will have to attend the camps, clinics, tournaments and spend hours on the pitch but that is the nature of sport. First comes the desire, then comes the skill development.
I agree. Determination is really what makes the difference in the end. Talent takes you a long ways, but only determination and heart can push someone to greatness. It’s cool she made it into selects (I’m not familiar with the terminology), but I think it’s equally cool that she didn’t get discouraged by the initial set-back. I’m not a big fan of kids pushing themselves too hard at sports anyway. It’s better to have a level head and let it happen if it’s meant to happen. I was pushed into sports when I was little because I had a lot of talent. I got a track scholarship to the University of Oklahoma and ran for two years before I realized I never really wanted to do it in the first place.
Hey Keith, thanks for your comment!
Ya the pressure parents put on their children to perform is phenomenal. On the surface, everything looks rosy but the wheels eventually come off the bus and you have a bitter and burnt out kid on your hands.
Where my daughter got the drive to compete I will never know, as it wasn’t from me. I was a good athlete but didn’t have the drive to compete at higher levels.
Oh well we shall see where it goes.
Cheers for the fascinating read! You don’t get many stories about kids who don’t moan and whine when they don’t succeed. This give me hope for my own children as they grow older. I look forward to reading more of your blog.
My sister and I both played high level soccer for years. We went through the camps, the clinics, etc. Her team went to the nationals and the pressure and stupid parent politics were insane and tore the team apart. She was a great player who could have had a scholarship from it, but she and many other players burned out and quit at 17. My parents normally wouldn’t push either of us like this, but with my sister they got somewhat caught up in mass hysteria. The upshot of the mess is that she has never played since, and hates the game now. I wish that parents were banned from pushing their kids in sports. I saw so much damage and grief over something that should be fun. As a referee, I threw a coach off the field not for abusing me, but for haranguing his own players. Come on, these kids are 12!!!! Let them play and enjoy it!
Good for you that you’re letting your daughter find her own way in this. She needs your support and encouragement, not to be driven crazy with pressure.
Thanks Rhea, for your comment.
Yes as a parent it seems to be a fine line between being supportive and bing WACKO! and I really hope I don’t begin to slip into the wacko category.
I think part of the problem is that if your child is motivated enough to push themselves on their own, the parent feels they have licence to jump on board and start pushing too, rather than “supporting” that child. This may mean reigning the kid in if they are pushing themselves too hard or perhaps ensuring that they do not ignore other aspects in their life.
Sport is great in all its forms and I believe everyone should participate in something because it is good for both your mental and physical health. When a sport starts to damage your mental and physical health, then you are taking it too far and as a guardian of a child, it is your job to ensure that does not happen not be the cause of it.
Thanks again Rhea